


Differences Inside

by TMar



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-21 04:52:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16570010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TMar/pseuds/TMar
Summary: Picard's teenage body wants Beverly. I'm so sorry about this.





	Differences Inside

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in May 1994. It takes place during the episode "Rascals". Whether it's underage or not (I think not) depends on your point of view. So read it or don't. I'm a huge pervert; there's that...

DIFFERENCES INSIDE

Captain Jean-Luc Picard looked at himself in the mirror again. "I just  
can't take myself seriously like this," he said again. This time, there  
was no one in the room to say it to. He'd said it to Deanna Troi earlier,  
but she hadn't helped much. Platitudes about getting his youth back,  
about returning to the Academy and crawling through caves looking for  
artifacts would not change the fact that he was thirteen years old again.  
And, while his mind was still fiftyish, his teenage body was enjoying  
itself immensely. He had forgotten what it was like to feel... free.  
Pliable. Able to play Parecis Squares without almost killing himself...  
not that he'd ever played Parecis Squares, mind you. He smiled at the  
thought, then dismissed it. 'The sooner I get my own body back again, the  
better,' he thought. Then he wouldn't have to deal with his teenage  
reactions to his chief medical officer. But it was only in his  
subconscious mind that this thought came up at all.

***

Beverly Crusher stood outside Picard's quarters, pondering what to say  
to him. She wasn't really sure why she was here, except she could take  
a guess at what would be going through his mind, and she wanted to  
provide whatever help she could.

When Deanna had reported that her conversation with Picard had not  
been very productive, Beverly had found herself here, outside his  
quarters. She pushed the chime, and was rewarded with, "Come." She walked  
in to find Picard still looking in the mirror. 

"Jean-Luc, are you all right?" she asked, seating herself on the couch.

"Of course. I'm fine. I just can't take myself seriously like this."

"I'm sure we'll fix it," she replied. "I know why you all became  
children, so maybe we can send you back through the transporter pattern  
buffer and replace the missing RNA sequences." But Picard didn't respond,  
so Beverly continued, attempting a lighter tone, "But if we can't, don't  
you think it would be fun to be a teenager again? Knowing what not to do  
this time."

Picard didn't smile, but he did turn away from the mirror. "I think  
once was enough, Doctor."

"Yeah. I wouldn't want to be a teenager again. Huge hands, huge  
feet, wild hair. Maybe I could go back to my twenties..." she mused,  
smiling. What was wrong with Picard, that he didn't appreciate her  
attempt at humour? She got up off the couch and came and stood in front  
of him, noting with amusement that she was now looking over his head into  
the mirror. 

She took him by the shoulders - something she just _knew_ she  
would never have had the courage to do had he still been his real age.  
"Jean-Luc, let yourself go. Don't always push it so much."

"Is that a medical opinion, Doctor?" he asked, pulling free.

"You're damn right it is!" she replied in a vicious tone.

Picard was now looking out of the window into space. "I'm not like  
that... Beverly. I want everything to be... normal."

"How convenient, but that isn't life. I much prefer Guinan's  
reaction to yours, you know." She was now standing behind him. And since  
he'd chosen the viewport in the corner, Picard couldn't get away without  
his reason for wanting escape becoming obvious. So he forced himself to  
endure her presence. Beverly, oblivious, continued. "Guinan's first  
reaction was to go and play. Don't you think that's a healthier attitude,  
Captain?" Sarcasm crept into her tone.

Picard didn't turn around. "That's just Guinan," he said dismissively. 

"I happen to know that you had a wild youth, Jean-Luc!" said Beverly  
through clenched teeth over the back of his head. "And look at me when  
I'm talking to you!"

Picard turned around oh-so-slowly. "All right, Doctor." Beverly  
looked down at him. And then down the rest of him. And realised why he'd  
been facing the window. "I... I'm sorry," she began, tearing her eyes  
away. So he did want her, after all. He'd just always been able to hide  
it, control it, push it away. Now he had a body which did not respond to  
his commands as he wanted. It was ironic. "Maybe I should go..." She  
started across the room, but Picard's teenage voice stopped her. He still  
managed to get some measure of authority into it. "Doctor Crusher, stay  
right where you are!"

Beverly stopped; this time she was the one turning away. "I'm sorry,  
Jean-Luc. As the mother of a teenage boy, I..." She wasn't really sure  
what she wanted to say. 

"You what?" asked Picard. "You know about this? It isn't real? What?"

"N...no," Beverly stammered. "I..."

"I think you and I know what's real and what isn't," Picard said,  
grabbing her hand, holding it against him. "This is real, wouldn't you  
agree." He sounded like he was giving a lecture at the Academy.

Beverly wanted to pull her hand away, but he held it there, not  
moving. She could feel... oh, god, she could feel warmth, and want,  
and... "No!" she said suddenly, wrenching her hand from his grasp. "No."  
But she didn't leave. She just stood there, feeling... feeling _him_  
still burning her hand.

Picard walked around until he was facing her, their original  
discussion forgotten. "I want you, Doctor," he said. 

"N... no," said Beverly, but she could feel her resolve weakening.  
There had to be something wrong with this, there had to! But she  
couldn't think what it could be.

The captain continued to speak. "You know how I feel. Since that  
time when we encountered the Tsiolkovsky, I think we both know."

"We weren't ourselves then, Jean-Luc, and you aren't yourself now."  
She didn't sound entirely convinced.

"I'm still Jean-Luc Picard," he said, knowing he was repeating  
himself. Again. Somehow, he couldn't remember all those arguments for why  
a relationship with Beverly wasn't possible. It now seemed as if it was,  
and he wasn't going to let her get away. Somewhere deep in his mind it  
did occur to him that his body was writing checks his mind couldn't cash,  
but he didn't care.

He reached up and kissed her. Beverly had waited so long for this  
that she could barely breathe. The last time they'd kissed... it really  
hadn't been him. Now... the remembered warmth on her hand argued with  
her. And instead of listening to her mind, she listened to the rest of  
her... and kissed him back desperately.

Picard's hands went around her, pulling her tightly against him,  
letting her feel how much he needed her. Beverly brought one hand around  
to the front and began to undo the captain's pants, putting her hand  
inside. Picard's eyes opened, and he broke the kiss, looking up at her  
in amazement. "Isn't this what you wanted, Jean-Luc?" she asked.

"I... yes."

With her free hand, the doctor pulled off his uniform jacket, and  
then the shirt under it. For a moment, Picard felt slightly ridiculous,  
standing there naked to the waist, Beverly's hand inside his pants. But  
it was just a moment.

Then he turned his attention to her blue medical jacket, pulling it  
off on one side. "Uh..." he said.

Beverly removed her hand, and the jacket came off altogether. Then  
he unzipped her uniform and it joined the jacket on the floor. Beverly  
grabbed his pants and pulled, and all at once there was a heap of  
clothing in the middle of Picard's lounge.

"Beverly, I..." began Picard, but she silenced him with a kiss, this  
time tender and sweet, and Picard knew that nothing short of a red alert  
would stop him from touching her the way he wanted to. He took her hand  
then, and walked into the bedroom, not saying anything this time.

Beverly said nothing either. She was shaking with the want of him,  
trembling inside. She had forgotten that the Picard here was not the same  
one who had left on the shuttle trip. He was Jean-Luc Picard, and he  
wanted her. That was enough.

***

Picard lay on the bed next to Beverly, and just looked at her, waiting  
for her to indicate assent. Beverly smiled at him, lifting one hand and  
running it through his hair. That was all the assent the captain needed.  
He leaned forward and kissed her, moving over her, closer and closer,  
until they were one.

***

When it was over, Picard lay with his head pillowed on Beverly's chest,  
still breathing hard. Beverly stared up, out of the viewport, at the  
passing stars, unsure of what to say. She wasn't sure she wanted to  
vocalise her thoughts, anyway. He was Jean-Luc Picard, but somehow, it  
was... different. Wonderful, but different. 

Picard stared into the middle distance, thinking much the same  
thoughts. Wonderful, but different. 'I loved her as myself,' he thought.  
'Not as me, captain of the Enterprise, but as the me inside, the  
vulnerable part of me. The part that no one has ever seen.' It was  
frightening to show that part of himself to someone else, but as long as  
he had this body, he wasn't sure that he could help it.

"LaForge to Doctor Crusher," said Geordi's voice from the comm panel.

"Crusher here," Beverly responded automatically.

"Doctor, Chief O'Brien and I have found out what caused the shuttle's  
breakup. Can you join us in Engineering?"

"On my way. Crusher out."

Beverly looked at Jean-Luc, who moved over and let her get out of  
bed. "Jean-Luc, I..."

He interrupted. "It's all right, Doctor. I'm... beginning to think  
that the sooner we get our own bodies back, the better."

Crusher smiled. "Ensign Ro will be exceedingly glad, I'm sure." As  
she spoke, she finished fastening her uniform. She walked to the door,  
still not sure what she could say to him, or to herself. Perhaps there  
_was_ nothing that could be said. She gave him one last look, and he  
nodded. It was all right.

Beverly left Picard's quarters.

***

Picard got out of bed as well, then, and put his uniform on... his red  
uniform this time, the one he'd had on in the shuttle. At least it  
fitted. He was still Jean-Luc Picard, but a more vulnerable Picard. He  
had made love to Beverly in this state, but he would let no one else see  
that side of him, that part of him. He would not use this... this  
condition that way again.

Picard got out some equipment so that he could study his  
archaeological artifacts. When he was himself... truly himself... again,  
he could decide what to say to Beverly.

THE END


End file.
